Thursday was a bad day for former lawyers of Donald Trump, which is good, because every day for the rest of their miserable, pathetic lives should be worse than the day before, a daisy chain of bad days, all flowing one into the other, up to the day when they stand before God to be judged, after which they should (if God is taking suggestions) spend an eternity of bad days roasting on a spit over a fire hotter than the surface of the sun while giggling demons poke their butts with very sharp pitchforks, forever and ever, world without end, amen.
First up was Jeffrey Clark, the balding dope of an environmental lawyer who almost backed himself into the (Acting) Attorney General job at the end of Donald Trump’s administration through a series of manipulations and underhanded moves so ham-handed that he made a toddler having a tantrum over being refused a cookie look positively Machiavellian.
As a result of Clark’s inept shenanigans, the Washington DC Bar’s Office of Disciplinary Counsel brought up ethics charges against him for dishonesty and attempting to interfere with the administration of justice. The result:
The preliminary decision by the three-member Board of Responsibility will pave the way for disciplinary measures to be brought against Clark, including possible suspension or disbarment. Disciplinary counsel have indicated they intend to advocate for Clark to lose his law license entirely.
Oh no, how sad, there’s such a shortage of DC lawyers with all the ethics of tinned meat, how will the nation survive the loss of even one of them.
PREVIOUSLY!
Clark’s own attorney before the Board of Responsibility was Harry MacDougald, who has been poorly representing him in front of various congressional committees and criminal investigators for going on three years now. You’d think in all that time, these two geniuses might have noticed they keep losing and switched strategies, maybe tried cooperating with all these investigations instead of continuing to shout “EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE” like a couple of malfunctioning Mr. Wonderful dolls:
He argued that “a veritable phalanx of privileges” protected him from having to answer, including attorney-client.
“For whom were you the attorney?” a member of the panel asked Clark at one point.
“For President Trump, the head of the executive branch, the sole head, the unitary head of Article Two, the executive branch of the United States government,” Clark said, according to NBC News, which noted that “typically,” Justice Department employees will say their client is the United States of America.
The closest we’ve ever come to law school is our freshman year of college when we used to occasionally cut through one on the way to our Intro to Film Theory class, and even we know that a DOJ lawyer serves America and not the president personally. But we’re not super-geniuses who earned a JD from the Ave Maria Sewer Tank Repair and Law School, and our warped understanding of ethical behavior hasn’t made us, for the first time in our miserable anonymous lives, giant heroes to someone, even if that someone is the raft of young Nazi dipshits who are the future of the Republican Party. So what could we possibly know.
The other Trump legal lickspittle having a bad day on Thursday was John Eastman. Really, he’s been having a bad week and a worse year, which is what a person brings on himself when he goes insane and starts thinking he’s the wingnut equivalent of Oliver Wendell Holmes in a stupid hat.
Last week the California State Bar Court found Eastman guilty of aggravated moronicness and suspended his law license pending the California Supreme Court’s decision whether or not to disbar him. Which is a problem for Eastman because he has all these giant legal bills stemming from his committing the minor crime of trying to overthrow the United States government.
So now Eastman is begging the court to reactivate his law license:
“If the Order placing Dr. Eastman on inactive enrollment were not stayed, Dr. Eastman would lose his ability to make a living as an attorney at a time when other matters arising out of his representation of the former President of the United States … have already caused him to incur more than $1 million in legal fees,” his attorneys wrote in his request this week to the judge in California.
We like how the lawyers threw in the fact that Eastman was representing the President of the United States, as if that particular president was not a career criminal whose actions have resulted in enormous legal bills and occasional prison sentences for all these people who, in feats of self-flagellation that rival the Day of Ashura, keep working for and staying loyal to him. And anyway, he represented the campaign.
What idiots would still even want John Eastman as their lawyer? Oh, Matt Gaetz and Marjorie Taylor Greene. Well, water always finds its level.
PREVIOUSLY AGAIN!
What Eastman is saying here is: Please don’t let my illegal and unethical actions as a lawyer stop me from continuing to work as a lawyer, which is a bit like a heart surgeon begging to not have his medical license suspended simply because instead of performing a bypass, he replaced the patient’s ticker with an avocado.
Boo fucking hoo. The court should tell Eastman to go make some speeches on the wingnut welfare circuit or ask Harlan Crow or one of the other lunatic billionaires who fund the conservative movement for some help. If they can keep Clarence Thomas and Sam Alito in fishing trips and luxury RVs, surely they can be moved by his own children comparing his martyrdom to that of Jesus Christ and put John Eastman on the payroll somewhere.
And if not, California did just start paying its fast food employees $20 an hour if Eastman is interested in a job that, for a change, involves an honest eight hours a day of work.
[The Daily Beast / CNN]
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