Good morning, this is going to be briefer than usual, because we all have eclipse hangovers. Is that a thing? Calling it a thing.
Donald Trump begged the appeals court to stay/delay his criminal trial coming up in New York, starting April 15. They told him to fuck off. [AP]
Trump is also SUING THE JUDGE to stop the trial, somehow. Um, OK. [New York Times]
Huh, is that $175 million bond actually going to end up working for Trump’s fraud judgment in New York? It’s looking kinda shady and shaky! [Daily Beast]
“I will finally turn 3 on May 4th!” “I wish I was old enough to go to nightclubs. They sound so fun.” Those are tweets Elon Musk posted on a burner account where he was, um, cosplaying as his toddler. Totally normal. That and more in this fucked up deposition from Musk what got released yesterday! [HuffPost]
God has requested Michele Bachmann create an “Israel Institute,” which teaches all the PhDs how to explain to the world how important Israel and Jewish people are to the Christian God. Because America is being judged for “cursing Israel.” You make sense of it, it doesn’t make sense. [Right Wing Watch]
Hey remember when Trump was president and the entire Cabinet resigned every day or he fired them, because he’s such an incompetent boss? Joe Biden’s Cabinet literally never changes. Wonder why that is. [Washington Post]
GOP Rep. Mike Turner, who chairs the Intel Committee in the House, says Russian propaganda has “infected a good chunk of my party’s base.” He ain’t wrong. [Washington Post]
REVEALED: Donald Trump’s super-clever plan to end the Ukraine/Russia war is … exactly what we thought. [Washington Post]
OK fine, if you want one more story about eclipses and wackjobs, here is a roundup of a bunch of the most fun conspiracy theories about earthquakes and eclipses. [Media Matters]
Has a secret code been discovered in Beethoven’s compositions? Sure why not. [Atlantic]
Want to make some soup but concerned the season has passed because it’s spring now? Why don’t you make some fucking spring soups then? Fuck. [Food & Wine]
All right that’s enough. OUT OF HERE. At least out of these tabs.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
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