Hi, Wonkette family. I’m afraid we had to start the day with some truly awful news: Yr Editrix’s former assistant Glenn, a terrific fun guy, was murdered Thursday, and that just took all the wind out of everyone here. Rebecca has a remembrance of him in Tabs.
Sigh.
The news insists on happening, though, so we brought you plenty of it, including an update from Evan on the latest dumb court filing from Donald Trump’s personal judge in his stolen documents case:
Gary followed that with the latest tales of Trump’s idiot lawyers:
The alleged “centrists” of No Labels couldn’t find a candidate willing to be blamed for throwing the 2024 election to Trump, so the group is bowing out for now. Like a B-movie villain, they’ll be back in as cheesy sequel all the same.
No resurrection for Roseanne’s career either, as her string of Q-Anon madness continues unabated, most recently with a weird rant at Mar-a-Lago about how education is bad for you and Democrats just can’t stop eating babies. A pretty normal day for her anymore.
Doktor Zoom wrote a thing about how food waste is a climate problem, because honestly what isn’t a climate problem these days? (Dok’s cat Thornton is not as big a climate problem since Dok stopped letting him drive, that’s for sure.)
On a related note, we are partnered with Martie, for two good purposes: keeping overstock out of landfills, and also saving hella money. This is an ad-like object, we get a commission, and I really think you’ll like it.
In Business and Labor news, Robyn has a very nice-times story about the brave workers at the Mercedes-Benz plant in Vance, Alabama, who overcame a sleazy campaign of attempted union-busting and voted this week to join the UAW. Yes, in Alabama! Really!
More carz newz from Gary, with the jaw-and-stock-price-dropping news that Tesla has apparently decided to drop (more dropping!) its plans to build a smaller, less expensive EV starting in 2025, the better to compete with Chinese EVs. Elmo Musk disputed the story, and nobody really knows what’s coming next for the mercurial weirdo.
In science news, Robyn brought us just some of the crazy conspiracy lunacy circulating about the upcoming total solar eclipse:
And there was a little earthquake in New Jersey Friday, so our Sara Benincasa celebrated the apparent news that everyone came through it OK. That’s the kind of earthquake we can get behind!
And while Charlie Kirk is a bigtime science denier, we’ll include him in this category too, because surely he is some mad scientist’s experiment gone horribly wrong, so could Dr. StrangeMAGA please come collect him soon?
Finally, what with it being Friday and a rough day, Hooper the Bartender is here with a cocktail that involves putting tequila in a glass, and that’s about our speed.
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We love you. Be well.